I don’t know how many legs it has or hands. I don’t want to know, ever! Many times, it has walked past me or even spread its wings to take flight and damned it when it flew; I had no wings to escape. It intends not to kill but like any other frightened creature with a sense of self-defense, I’d rather run when I feel threatened. I have screamed at the very sight and sometimes my scream doesn’t even want to come out. My heart beats rise and my pulse rate rockets to the sky. Though the years have passed by but my fear for it has not. I am like the elephant that stands on one foot at the sight of a clueless mouse.
There were times I’d rather forget; those times when a Crawley made body contact with me. My worst nightmare comes to life. I still remember that dark night, when the crawley came up to me, in my deepest sleep. Its feather –like touch swiftly surfing upon my skin. My left hand that lay over my head felt a tickle that lasted quite long. Judging by its touch, it was quite the size of a big one. I opened my eyes from my heavy sleep, a Crawley awoke me. Its image on my bed, making its way in a dark room at night. When all were asleep, it decided to take a midnight stroll, all over me.
I screamed and jumped out of bed. My heart racing until my mind could gather that it wasn’t a nightmare but reality at its worst. It was found I think, I don’t quite remember but yes I did sleep in that same bed that night, so yes, it must have been found. My dad had to unfortunately kill or throw that little monster out the window.
I could be charged with cruelty against crawlies!
Who is this Crawley that I talk about?
I cannot tell you who or what it is and how it looks. All I can say is that it is worse than ‘Penny Dreadful’. Darkness has a special place in me but crawlies don’t, they’re worse than the dark. Crawleys have a real name; a name that I am afraid to take. Maybe you can ask someone who knows me well, ask them in private when I am not around and they’ll tell you the real name. Or maybe you can guess and tell me but don’t take its name.
A crawley is a word coined by me, thus replacing its original name. I won’t name it in this article or anywhere else. Why? It will appear in front of me. The name makes me sick. I don’t want any vibes that could attract it into my life. Starting from its name to the way it looks, is all it needs to make me go sprinting off like a terrified cat.
I’d scream, I’d jump and push even my favourite superstar out of the way, just to make a run for it. I won’t really mention what I’m talking about because I won’t take its real name. You’ll just have to guess it and never mention its name in front of me… ever!
I hate it so much that I have to write about it. I not so much as hate it as much as it scares me. What I am trying to figure out here is why am I so terrified about it when it crawls up in front of me? It’s really sick to look at but out of extreme fear, I want it killed. Am I a murderer? Insect cruelty!
I can’t even go anywhere near it without screaming to the highest pitch. So no, I only orchestrate the murder – “kill it! kill it!”
This leads me to something that screams, I need help. Something that tells me I have a phobia, which means to be in extreme fear of something with no apparent reason. Why do we have phobias? Let’s google and find out.
So here’s what I found out
A phobia originates from a combination of biologically-related nuttiness and crazy mean life situations. This means that there is always a connection as to why we have a particular phobia. It’s a trick of the mind – what else could it be? Previous birth! Then I don’t want to be born again.
So, Munna Bhai’s chemical locha fits well here because the mind is involved. Events that prove to be traumatic to the mind and deep rooted to the heart like from a previous dog bite or from any other animal, a traumatic accident or an illness that struck a long time ago.
Can this chemical locha be fixed? Yes, it can!
This is a therapy I came across on the internet and YouTube. It’s pretty neat and proven to be the most effective technique in fixing phobias. It basically involves slowly exposing the patient to what they fear the most. In my case, slowly exposing me to a crawley. So I guess what my colleague did to me while making ‘it’ his desktop screensaver was a treatment in itself. There were many walking all over his screen. Yuck!
Another technique is to imagine that the object of fear (crawley, in my case) is in contact with you. Honestly! This would traumatize me. Why would I even want to visualize it in my head? I guess it would work otherwise it wouldn’t be a phobia-fixer.
There is no way I am letting anyone expose me to a crawley in any way, be it reality or with mind tricks. Mini heart attacks are not the way to live. I’d rather be chased by a tiger.
Did you know that there are three main types of common phobias?
Specific Phobia is the one which I don’t want to get treated for – the crawley phobia. So this phobia means fear of specific objects like insects, blood, heights, elevators, flying in an airplane. I know someone who can’t stand or sit for long in closed spaces. Oh yes, that’s me! So now everyone knows how messed up I am in claustrophobic situations but sometimes I can train my mind; so it’s really all about letting myself feel things but then controlling it with diversions. For me, music works.
Social phobia is fear of being judged by this big bad world, the people. You’re in a crowd and what you can’t stand is the crowd. So those who suffer from this phobia refrain from acting in a way that could cause them embarrassment of any kind. Be careful not to call anyone a fake when they’re not really themselves in a public square. They could just be suffering from the prying eyes of judgemental folk.
Agoraphobia is a type of anxiety disorder, a fear of being “caught” or seen in a public place, especially when having a panic attack. So people who suffer from agoraphobia also have trouble setting foot out of the house. Their symptoms range from fear of being in any situation to fear of being in places where it may be hard to leave like elevators, buses, trains. Gosh, life is tough!
Remember, there are levels to these phobias. Sometimes it’s really bad in people and sometimes it’s not as worse as not being able to get out of the house, so what is recommended is treatment, treatment, treatment as early as possible and to not wait till it gets really bad. Note to self!
That’s what I need, treatment. I need to be exposed to crawlies so that I can get over them. It’s really not my fault for being terrified of these terrifying creatures. They’ve never harmed me but I feel threatened. I don’t know why but they scare the living flesh out of me. It’s true, I need help. So now all I need is saving up some money to pay for my treatment and once that’s done, the next step is to stop myself from becoming such a wuss and go get treated.
If I get treated by facing one of my biggest fears, you will read about in why did crawley (Kattappa) kill me (Bahubali) part 2. I’ll reveal its name too!